The mental burden of women
Online and on TV, there are plenty of suggestions to help us make the best use of time in this long period of isolation and change of the usual rhythms and routines. Excellent proposals that collide in more than a few cases are still chaotic. There are the tasks of the children to stay behind, the household chores that ask not to be postponed, the concern and management for the elderly parents, flexible work from home, which in this situation seems far from smart.
Staying at home is undoubtedly the only and best possible thing to do to contribute to the reduction of infections and preserve our health and those we love. But forced coexistence brings with it a load of emotions that are more difficult to manage and, in many cases, aggravates the already heavy mental burden of women. How, then, can we survive the tensions in couples and families in the times of the coronavirus emergency?
How to ask your partner for help?
We assume that even in non-emergency situations, a whole series of activities is completely entrusted to women.
Everyone already knows what to do for the other, for the whole family and how to do it. But unfortunately, often, this is not obvious, and there are dynamics in which men do little, and women do not ask, increasing their anger and frustration. Always recommend talking and discussing, trying to maintain an atmosphere of serenity.
FOCUS ON THE ESSENTIAL.
A solution could be to identify what are the essential tasks that are needed to “run “a family well: each family knows what is essential according to its reference values and what is not, and possibly try to put it on white who does what.
TAKE SMALL STEPS.
Better to leave aside any desire for perfect balance. This is not what we need to look for to lighten the mental burden of women: it is better to proceed “steps” forward and look with wonder at every little success. Did he start ironing at least his clothes? Very well. The mountain of clothes has become a hill, and in any case, there will be less work pending.
INVOLVE ALL, IN A HARMONIC SYMPHONY.
It is also not entirely true that discussions with children should always be avoided. Do you have something to say to your partner? Do not delay too much: all in all, the presence of children or young people could be the lever to maintain moderate tones and avoid real quarrels. Giving up a perfect home, but aspiring to a harmonious atmosphere, our eye on things still to do will become more magnanimous.
How to keep calm in the couple: let it go.
LET TO RUN.
Still difficult to estimate when it will be possible to return to leave the house. Let us not be surprised, therefore, if we feel the effort advancing. Let’s keep calm. However, intelligence must necessarily take over to rationalize more, curb impulsiveness, and manage emotions. I believe that a great secret in this circumstance is to leave much “running, “otherwise those who are punctilious will tend to criticize making the life of the other
difficult, and consequently coexistence.
Preserve couple life and intimacy
A MOMENT FOR US.
When having children, it is essential to be able to maintain moments of intimacy in the couple, which is even more difficult in this emergency of quarantine at home with the whole family. I always recommend taking a “couple “moment in the evening when the children have gone to sleep. Even just watching a movie embraced on the sofa or chatting over a glass of wine can change the flavor of the day.
How to deal with outbursts
DO NOT REACT TO PROVOCATIONS.
In a normal situation, we would always have a possible alternative when the atmosphere escalates, and the tension is sky-high like going out with a friend, going to sleep outside, perhaps in a hotel or at the home of the parents. In this case, it is not possible to grant us this freedom, so all that remains is to remember that it is fundamental not to be reactive to the nervousness of the other, but rather to try to absorb without responding and never foment the partner.
LIMIT THE CRITICS.
Avoid criticism or teasing, especially if you are dealing with a touchy subject. It is, let us remember, a temporary condition. Instead, we find the opportunity to show ourselves collaborative by looking, for example, for situations and moments to confront and speak sincerely, rather than complaining.
TAKE A HOT BATH.
At this moment, it can be very relieving to carve out personal moments like a relaxing bath, do an hour of gymnastics, or call a friend. All this is always respecting the times of the other.